wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
