is your mom at the bar?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
