Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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