The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
