bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
