We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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