office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
