Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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