I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
