some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
