Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
