It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
