3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
