no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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