I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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