What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
