Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
