So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
