I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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