Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
