I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
