My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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