I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
