Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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