I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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