Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
