My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
