If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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