I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
