i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
