So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
