Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
