oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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