This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
