he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
