Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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