Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
