Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm passing your future prison.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
