please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
