Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
