coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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