i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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