Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
