i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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