Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
