You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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