Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
