i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
