I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
