Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
