Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
