chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
